So we have all heard at least one lawyer joke. My favorite, “What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?” Answer, “A good start!”
Today’s Timeout guest is a blogger with ambitions to become one of those lawyers. Hold the boos for now. You may have caught her blog, with what an old professor of mine would call, a “Ten dollar word” like diatribe in her header.
She resides in California and roots for the Giants when she can, but her heart lies firmly in Chicago where she loves all things White Sox, Polish and especially A.J. Pierzynski (a mix of all she loves).
Jen Jezierski, 22-year old first year law student, authors the blog A Diatribe From a law
Student:Baseball Edition and has a lot to say about baseball, grammar and her love A.J. She pulls no punches when it comes to getting in a shot at the Cubbies expense. Who would expect anything else from a die hard White Sox fan?
Jen has ambitions of getting onto the MLBlogs leader board and took a huge stride by winning MLB Marks contest to identify some leaders.
“Her prize was being the first paragraph of this post and thus billions of people knowing to click on her blog,” said Mark.
Congrats Jen, and looking forward to seeing you up on the board in the next go around.
Please explain the reasoning behind “diatribe” in your header. A ten
dollar word deserves such an explanation.
I complain a lot. About everything. My friends can all attest that I complain more than anyone they know, especially when it comes to sports. I was trying to come up with a name that would catch people’s attention. Because of the English teachers I had when I was in middle
school, I have a huge vocabulary, and I love using big words when I know what they mean. I decided not to use “rant” since Julia’s already using it, so after about two hours, I broke down and went to thesaurus.com and found “diatribe” as a synonym. It should be used more often because it’s a pretty awesome word. Start using it,MLBloggers. You’re automatically a million times smarter now.
You talk in your blog about being a first year law student. What would
you like to do with your law degree when you get it?
I’m going into sports and entertainment law. I decided when I was seven that I wanted to be a lawyer because that’s when my parents split up. Up until high school, I wanted to do family law because of my parents’ lawyers. Then I realized I really wasn’t interested in divorce and child custody and stuff like that because I knew I’d get entirely too emotionally attached.
I was involved in cross country and track during middle school, but I have got to be the worst runner I have ever seen. Honestly, I’m atrocious. Seriously, who runs a 30-minute mile? Me in middle school. It was horrible. I can laugh at it now because I fully admit that I only ran cross country and track to get an award for participating in three sports every year. Sixth grade was when I started cheerleading (which is the only sport I’m any good at and the third sport that got me that award), so I started learning about basketball since I had to cheer for it. When I hit high school, I REALLY started to enjoy sports and continued cheering for football and basketball. When I was a sophomore in 2001, I started watching baseball with my stepdad. It was in high school that I changed which area I wanted to get into.
I didn’t really know what it entailed, and I realized it’s basically being a lawyer and an agent all rolled into one. I know that right away I won’t be the female version of Scott Boras (the “lots of
clients” part, not the “everyone hates me” part), so I’d love to work for the White Sox until I can start my own law firm.
What’s your favorite lawyer joke?
Oddly enough, I love lawyer jokes. I find them hilarious, which confuses some people who think I should be insulted. Same with blonde and Polish jokes, which can be interchangeable since they’re basically about stupid people. People think I’ll be insulted, but I’m not. But I digress; I have four favorite lawyer jokes:
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Fifty-four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.
Q: What do lawyers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
A: Lawyers accumulate frequent flyer points.
Q: Have you heard about the lawyers’ word processor?
A: No matter what font you select, everything comes out in fine print
Being a White Sox fan what’s your favorite Cubbie joke?
This one has made every Cubs fan I’ve told it to really mad and every Sox fan giggle in hysterics:
Q: What do the World Series and a polar bear on birth control have in common?
A: Neither one has Cubs. (Ouch)
I do have to mention this because it made my friends, my dad, and his friends laugh. I was at a bar last Friday with two of my friends, my dad, and two of his friends. Friday night is karaoke night, and one of the singers said he was a Cardinals fan before he sang. Afterwards, the DJ played “Go Cubs Go.” I proceeded to run out of the bar without my jacket into the 8 inches of snow and almost below-zero weather because I hate that song so much.
You wrote one of the best blogs I can ever remember on why you love A.J. Pierzynski. I’m not sure anyone can make an argument that you don’t love him, but if you could spend a day with him what would you like to talk about?
First and foremost, I would want him to clear up all those rumors that everyone seems to believe. Like him kneeing Stan Conte in the groin when he was at Spring Training in 2004, among others. Mainly that one. I’d love for him just to talk about his time in baseball,anything that comes to mind. I love listening to people talk, and since I’m pretty sure I’m one of the biggest AJ Pierzynski fans out there, I’d obviously love to just listen. I’d like to hear his take
on the uncalled third strike from the 2005 ALCS, the punch by Michael Barrett, and the interference call when the Rays were in town this past season.
I’d like to hear about why he decided to get involved with TNA wrestling since that amuses me to no end. Finally, I wanna talk Gators. AJ’s a HUGE Florida Gators fan. I started following the Gators when their football and basketball teams won the National Championships in the same year. That summer I found out AJ was a huge fan, so that just makes being a Gator fan even better! I’d like to meet his wife and kids too. Lisa’s so pretty, and AJ was holding his
daughter Ava while being interviewed during Jermaine Dye’s turn during the 2006 Home Run Derby. She was adorable then when she was almost a year old, so I can only imagine she’s gotten cuter. And I imagine his son Austin is just as cute. I love little kids, and to be able to
play with the kids of my favorite baseball player EVER would be AWESOME.
I REALLY adore AJ.
In that same blog you talk about losing your stepfather (a Giants fan) to kidney cancer at the end of the 2002 Angels-Giants World Series.What do the Giants mean to you today?
I watch the Giants every chance I get. My stepdad was one of those fans that bled orange and black. If the Giants were playing and he wasn’t at work, the game was on in the living room, and if you weren’t watching with him, you probably shouldn’t have been in the room,
interrupting the game. Same with the 49ers during the NFL season. I’m just like that now with sports in general, especially with the White Sox and Bears. His love of the Giants rubbed off on me, and now I watch them any chance I get. Most everyone has a favorite team, but
most people I know don’t have two. They have the favorite and the second favorite. I have two favorites, and luckily for me, they’re in different leagues. If one year, the World Series came down to the White Sox and Giants, I would be in heaven. But I’d prefer it if the Sox won, of course. And it doesn’t hurt that the Giants now have one of my favorites from the 2005 Sox season: Aaron Rowand. I adore that guy!
If you could take the power of the universe and change a moment in baseball history what would it be?
Normally, I don’t answer questions like this since everything happens for a reason. But I’ll make an exception this time. And it didn’t take me long to decide there are two things I would change. The first is the Black Sox scandal. After reading “Then Ozzie Said to Harold”
and crying over Shoeless Joe while on an airplane, I
feel like there’s so much more that team could have done if those players hadn’t been banned. Especially Shoeless Joe. His career is Hall-worthy, and he’ll never be there unless someone steps up and says, “OK let’s
reinstate him.” The second thing I’d change is the winner of the 2002 World Series for my stepdad. My mom and I are positive he held on, despite being in so much excruciating pain, just to see them win, and they didn’t. He never got to see his Giants win the World Series, so
I’d change that for him since he did so much for me in the two years I knew him.
Speaking of history, do you feel like Shoeless Joe admitted his guilt and should be considered for entry back into baseball or that you do the crime you do the time?
After reading “Then Ozzie Said to Harold,” I learned a lot about Shoeless Joe. I learned he was illiterate and very naive. I don’t think he ever admitted anything, really. When that little kid pulled on his sleeve and said, “Say it ain’t so, Joe,” and he said “It’s so,” I think he was admitting that it happened, not that he was involved.If he was involved at all, why did he go 12-for-32 with a .375 batting average, 5-for-12 with runners in scoring position, and 6 RBIs in the Series? His career stats are good enough for the Hall, and it hurts my heart to know that until someone takes him off that list that he’ll never be there. If Bud Selig won’t do it, I sure hope that his successor will do it. (Joe did testify he took money but never took a single play off and was ashamed he took the money.)
For the present and future you say you hope to be someday ranked in the ML blogosphere. What can the new and regular readers to your blog expect to see this season?
My blog is relatively new. I’ve had it for about a month. You can go back and read what I’ve written and see that so much of my personality goes into everything I write. I’m hilarious, I’m uncensored (for the most part since I hate those little asterisks that are put in when I swear), and I flow so well. So expect more of that. I’ll always try to make you laugh. If I’m successful, you’ll even laugh at your own team. Since I bleed White Sox, most of my entries will be about my boys. But I’ll cover other big stories and other teams. I’m pretty sure I’ll be incredibly biased, but that’s how I roll. There might be moments that will truly amaze people when I’m unbiased, but I’m pretty sure those will be rare. I might even ask for your help like I did when I asked about players the Blogosphere thinks I should know about. I love learning, and hopefully I can teach you something too. Mainly, I just want to write since that’s one of my passions. Law, writing, and comedy are the only things I could ever see myself doing.One of these days, I’ll publish a book. About what, I don’t know. But I’ll do it. Writing here gives me a place to improve my writing while writing about one of the most important things in my life.
Lastly, as you continue to chime in on the Sox what can you tell us about your feelings on the squad so far and this upcoming season?
I always hope that they’ll win it all. I’m glad we traded Javier Vazquez and Boone Logan because I felt they were holding us back. Javy will do better in the National League; Boone, I don’t know. He has ups and downs. Maybe he’ll fix whatever wasn’t working for us in
Atlanta. Be prepared to be frustrated with him, Braves fans.
I was surprised we traded Nick Swisher, but I understand the reasoning. I’m interested to see what the Yankees will do with him now that they have Teixeira since Swish is one of the sweetest guys ever. He answers all of his fan emails personally, which is awesome.
I have them saved on Gmail!
I think we’re gonna have a lot of youth on our squad this year. With the departure of Joe Crede, Ken Griffey Jr., Orlando Cabrera, and Toby Hall, we’re gonna have A LOT of young guys out there. Josh Fields had a shaky season at AAA Charlotte and during his September callup due to a knee problem. But he had an amazing rookie season in 2007 when Crede was out with back surgery. I have a feeling he’ll bounce back now that he fixed his knee. There are a few guys who’ll be competing for second base during Spring Training, so we’ll have a young guy at second since Alexei Ramirez is moving to shortstop. And Brian Anderson and Jerry Owens are competing for center field. I think Brian has the better defense, but Jerry can steal the bases. I wish I could combine them into one player! If all of these guys can have a season as half as good as Alexei’s rookie season last year, I think we’ll be in good shape.
Hopefully they’ll give us what we’re looking for. Because I don’t want to wait another 88 years for a title. And I don’t want to turn into the Cubs either. Always a jab at the Cubbies…that’s how I roll!
Thanks again for dropping in and #5 is a wrap. Jen may end up being the coolest lawyer you’ll ever know!