Ahh, so I told myself I would not blog again until I really had something to say. Not just blabble or posting a million picts to feel like somebody was reading my blog. Nope, never cared about that. For me it was writing for the pure enjoyment of it. If people read it, awesome, and many awesome friendships I created from writing here. Many I hold dear to my heart to this day. Some I have much thought about and wanted to reconnect with and some I hope to see again in all their glory.

So, today without further ado I sit down at the computer. What would MLBlogs hold for me? What would I see? Who might grace the front page with some great article or insightful piece that would remind me what I was missing in my hiatus away from this site?

Well low and behold. More of the same. I had to laugh. More promotion, more pimping to the masses and more selling. I know I missed great articles from real people and moments I could go back and catch up, but for me it’s moving forward. When I came back from my travels and my aunt was dying, I meant it when I said I wanted to prioritize what was most important and I did. So for the crap that is still the same, I’ll never buy you nor will I care somebody is getting a paycheck and pretending to be all about the baseball. The real baseball seeps through into the ballpark conversations on a summers eve or the lone blogger who gets excited everytime fingers hit the keys even if nobody reads it. The real baseball doesn’t pretend or name drop to fuel an ego. Blah blah blah. Just more of the same.

So without further ado yet again, here is what I really wanted to write…

Wow, hard to believe another year of baseball is upon us. I can think back to the ending of last year and the last game I went to. I had just gotten a job and I could finally pay for a ticket again! What a great feeling it was. I can remember the moment walking into the ballpark. My heart was racing like it was my first game ever. I could smell the food, feel the sun warming my skin and I had to laugh as two good friends I had met over the season were busy chattering away between themselves as I strolled behind them. They walked oblivious as to the moment I was having. Filled with emotions, I just walked silent. I couldn’t tell you what they were talking about because I was so thankful for the moment and the feeling of just being there. Baseball had been part of an amazing journey for me and here was the culmination for this season.

We laughed, we watched, we saw a win to end the season for me. These two people were emblematic of this whole thing. “I knew all the rules but the rules did not know me, guaranteed.” You might recognize these fine people. They were a microcosm of America and everything that was good about my journey with baseball. Strangers months before, friends that day and beyond.

Flash forward

March 22, 2010 the sun is setting on the Arizona highway. My Iphone chooses the soundtrack of my life but my mind is elsewhere.

One year ago I was unemployed gearing up for the largest journey of my life. I had just cashed in every penny I ever owned, liquidated my belongings and decided to meet America through it’s people and it’s baseball fans.

This day I had a great job. A job that allowed me the freedom to jump into a rental car and zoom off to spring training to once again find that freedom that awaited me. I had sat in 75 degree weather and yet again felt that feeling of euphoria. Simple things awaited me and I found them. I found more amazing conversations with complete strangers. I found a simplicity in the game I love and the people who follow it.

I could think back to end of the summer as I watched my aunt die and her amazing spirit kept fighting on. She would let me take her up a 14,000 ft peak and we would laugh and take in those moments as we knew they would be some of her last. The Rockies would falter in the playoffs and baseball didn’t seem so important. The winter months would come and snow would cover the life that had blossomed all summer. Death would come just before Christmas, but there was so many precious moments before that. Moments to remember and legends to pass on. My aunt would be upset if she knew I wasn’t writing. She didn’t care what I wrote, because to her it was always good and she knew it made me happy. Sometimes people know what is best for you before you do.

The road would rise to meet the rubber of my tires as I headed east and north back to Colorado. I couldn’t help but think how much was different. A good job, a great family, friends I looked so forward to reconnecting with in the following months. But with death comes life and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t thinking about my son who will be born in late July.

The hours turned into minutes as the night cloaked me and left me to more of my thoughts. I could see his mother and I laughing about painting her belly like a baseball or maybe it might score a few more autographs, kinda like the kid rule. Maybe the pregnant lady rule could get her a full team ball this year. We would see. Because as some things stay the same some don’t. My future will no longer be about Rocky Mountain Way, interestingly enough it’s now Rocky Mountain Ways.

So a big apology to those who have worried about me or wondered what happened to me. “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans,” and let’s just say I’ve been a bit busy : ) I will talk more about my work helping fund life saving research, my sons advancement into this world and of course the Colorado Rockies among so many other things. It’s what I do.

Ahh, thinking back on the fond days in newspaper life (the scene fading into black). I can remember when a managing editor would give someone he/she a scolding when ideas were offered up in the daily news meeting which were played out or just simply out of touch. 

Right about this time you could tell who was worth their weight in the profession and who was just simply lazy or resting on their laurels to get by. For instance, the state fair may be rolling into town and the lazy reporter may offer up an idea to cover the food vendors  The editor would look over with a scolding eyebrow and explain how that was a boring angle that any reporter in numerous years has covered. But to the guy or gal offering it up, may have seemed like a good idea because the food vendors were always accesible and people love food. Maybe something like Keith Olbermann being on the cover story yet again, might have gotten the same scolding from a good managing editor.

Tuning into MLBlogs I am once more graced with the face of Keith Olbermann and something this man has to say is sure to be worthwhile reading. Not that he hasn’t been focused on enough throughout the season since he became a blogger, but this post should guarantee yet another rousing piece. Now, this is in no way an attack on the writing of Olbermann or what he brings to MLBlogs. Some of his pieces are well worth the posting and he like everyone else in this community is more than welcome to share his views. That’s what makes this place a roundtable of so many great ideas. But somehow I’m still left feeling like someone is asleep on their watch.

It’s not like there aren’t other interesting people who blog that may have an even greater piece of writing, but unfortunately they don’t have primetime television audiences and aren’t recognizable enough to bring in advertising revenue to MLBlogs. Because let’s face it ladies and gentlemen, this site has a bottom line and someone has to answer to keeping it profitable. Don’t ever assume this is only an altruistic endeavour by Major League Baseball to give the fans a voice. You have a voice but you better be the one who’s name gets brought up in casual conversation to impress another, aka namedropping.

So let’s name drop. Who can be a big enough name, willing enough to write on MLBlogs and be worthy of making the front cover with hopefully some form of insightful and interesting writing?

Hmm, wait that’s not our job as writers. That’s the job of those in power positions within this organization. The editors and producers, if you will, of this online site. Surely there has to be someone “worthy” of making the front page and who can add to this dialogue? But we don’t have the rolodexes or blackberries filled with people on a national basis who could make for an interesting read. Nope, we are just left to scratch our heads at one may perceive as the ineptness or apathy of management to make the tough phone calls or reach out to new sources of baseball and not just rest on the fact “there’s always Keith Olbermann.” It’s played out and tired.

Fine, get your ego boosted and your advertising revenue met with big names, but with any luck it will be from new and different voices who can really bring a fresh voice. Pound the pavement and make the calls or send the emails.  Do the research and earn the paycheck before putting out another all too familiar voice on the subject. 

Otherwise it won’t surprise me to dream up such headlines as “Olbermann sees Yankees as top contender” or Olbermann talks about new Yankee Stadium in it’s first postseason” during the month or so left of baseball. Mix it up or give it up. Didn’t somebody say “change is good.” Maybe that can be hard to see in a proverbial ivory tower where everyone says “Sure thing boss. Great idea” but for the rest of us please try..

It doesn’t take a lifelong philosopher to think of the idea that life is a series of moments all strung together and some are seemingly more meaningful then the next. However, the head fake here is maybe they are all just as important as the next.

Case in point: Just last week it seemed the Rockies were on the verge of taking the division, coming back from the largest deficit in league history to do so. It seemed 151/2 games out in early June would cement the Rockies ’09 season. Why shouldn’t it?

The bullpen was terrible the offense was anemic. Morale was the lowest I had seen it the entire season. Anger and frustration could be seen in every at-bat.

I was driving to Houston wishing the Rockies could just put together a few wins. I would come back to Colorado blown away by the amount of success the team would have on that road trip.

Moments like this seemed the norm. Our closer would give up the lead and leave with a tie. Josh Fogg would give up the winning run in the end and the Rockies would lose a heartbreaker in the heart of Texas.

 

The Rockies hope of a closer ironically, named Huston Street, would say something that would stick with me I think forever. I’ve said it before, but before that game I asked him if we were going to win tonight. “We’re gonna try,” he replied. In that moment it was almost as if defeat were expected. Do or do not. There is no try.

This was a defining moment. The Rockies could have packed it up and in. I had lost my bet for the series and just wanted to leave Houston with some pride intact. The guys in the clubhouse were playing for their own reasons. The Rockies could have lost the entire series in Houston, instead they opened up the flood gates and took the final game on their way to St. Louis.

Who knows what series of moments changed the momentum in that clubhouse. The Rockies would go on one of the longest streaks in Major League history and get little to no recognition at all.

Last week, it seemed those series of moments had changes a lot of people’s minds. I overheard national media being asked if the Rockies had any chance of overtaking the Dodgers. They were four games ahead in the Wild Card and they were only three games behind the boys of Los Angeles. All of sudden I knew things had changed. The tide was coming in rather than flowing out. The talking heads all agreed the Rockies had the power and ability to overtake the division leaders.

From the last place kids to being considered one of the most complete teams in the National League. I chuckled, because I have said it since before the season started, this team was loaded and cocked and would surprise a lot of people. But good teams win when it matters no matter what obstacles they face.

We lost our number one pitcher to injury and too many others too mention in the bullpen. But good teams win when it matters. No matter how cliche or redundant that phrase seems it’s the truth. The thing is we are all our own team. So those series of moments that we follow so closely in baseball are just the same in our own lives. You may be a last place laughing stock today, but with the right decisions and positive moments in hand you might just find yourself knocking on the door of first place.

The Rockies just choked down a five game losing streak and no longer have the lead in the Wild Card. They are now six games out of first and the future looks bleak. History might say the Rockies will pack it in soon enough and all is lost. Most people have come to expect that underachieving nature of this franchise but therein lies the beauty of the moment. Nothing is decided yet. So what if people doubt you and look for you to fail. You have the ability to prove them all wrong and maybe even yourself. The Rockies have the opportuntity to knock the idea of underachievers out of all the doubters minds.

Time will tell, but be careful in the decisions you make because each may be even more important then the next…Just a series of moments hopefully more good than bad.

As I was sitting in the emergency room of the local hospital the other night, it hit me. I was wearing a Rockies jacket and if this was a sampling of the local Colorado population, then the Rockies were not getting any support and frankly it gets me po’d.

Yeah, just another day in the life. No, it wasn’t me who needed an emergency room visit, rather it was my father. He had a procedure earlier in the day which had the doctors entering his fermoral artery to remove some blockages in his blood system. If you haven’t heard of the femoral artery or forgot about it since your days in biology, it’s a main artery that when ruptured can kill a person in about 10 minutes. If you watched any shark week, it’s the artery hit most often in shark attacks and surfers don’t last long on the beach if it’s not tied off.

If you’re thinking “Can this guy catch a break?” Don’t worry I was thinking the same thing. When it rains it pours and another situation where someone’s health is in jeopardy around me is becoming all too familiar.

So the old man needed to make sure the artery plug job they had done on him was going to hold, because nobody in my family could handle the big man bleeding out overnight at home.

There I was. Almost in a daze because this kind of stuff is becoming too familiar. The emotions are turning off easier and easier and I found myself staring at the people all around at near midnight. It got me thinking. What had happened with the Rockies? I was getting bits and pieces but truthfully have not heard or watched a full game in almost three weeks.

I knew they had kept close in the wild card and were in a great position. The gap with the division leading Dodgers was lessening and they were still very much in it. So I looked around and asked. “Where the Rockies fans at?” I mean this is Colorado and somebody in that 50+ group had to have some gear on. Somewhere? Somebody?

Nope. I saw a 350 pound woman, who literally could not fit in the chair, who had on a 5×5 inch silver medallion Raiders logo on a silver necklace. Obviously the necklace didn’t seem too big on her petite frame, but who the hell wears a giant Raiders logo to the ER? What the hell was I witnessing?

Then I saw a Broncos hat. Alright, football season is nearing and I expect to see the Bronco gearing coming on strong. I’m okay with that. At least it wasn’t another Raiders logo. Wait, before I could look any further it’s a guy wearing a Cowboys jersey.

Again, where the hell was the Rockies love? It donned on me that my jacket may be the only representation there and I was going to have to come to terms with that.

Entering the room to have the doctor come in, I begin to smart off to the old man. I am a professional smartace. I was trying to lighten the room and the old man can pick that up pretty quick. That’s when I noticed the tv listing on the wall. I said,”They have a lot of channels let’s see where RockyMountain FSN is and maybe we can catch some highlights or the rerun of the game.” Hmmm, up and down the list my eye scanned. Lifetime…Fox News…Food Network..ah here we go ESPN..NFL Network…basebahhh. What?

 

After looking over the list up and down repeatedly, I saw there was no FSN to catch any Rockies baseball.

I would have probably been okay if they didn’t have the NFL Network. The reason behind that thought is in Colorado the belief had always been everything else is second to football. The first major sport in Colorado and the beloved Broncos are rightly so up there. But there’s no reason to not at least fake some support for the baseball team here.So somebody in the administration had made sure there was at least some football coverage for their ER visitors. Everything from spanish tv to football, but besides getting lucky on some momentary coverage on ESPN, there was no hope for the Rockies faithful.

I get the fact that baseball has not put out the greatest product in the Rocky Mountains, but any baseball fan worth his wait has to be somewhat excited right now. This team is no fluke. i realize I was in the minority this off-season screaming to the top of my lungs saying this team was going to be a contender. But it seems until they win a World Series and keep a team in the playoffs for long stretches they aren’t going to get the respect even within their home state.

So there I sat. The old man was laying in the bed ready to hear his news when I thrust the camera upon him. Go ahead. Take it. I’m disgusted that someone in this hospital saw to overlook putting baseball on the programming.

 

Yep, the picture was crooked, but seeing he didn’t know if he was going to bleed out in the next 12 hours, I give him credit.  

So, the next time I want to put full blame on the bottom line of tv dollars, I will also make the argument that the war to support the Rockies is not being fully won at home. It’s not just outside forces, but an attitude of apathy towards a sport that has put and will put a good product out for years to come.

Although I was going miles a minute in my thoughts, I did notice a funny piece of writing in the hospital I had to share. I quote, “Logs will be given to nurse manager daily and reviewed daily for accountability.” I laughed when I read that. Lucky nurse..getting logs and all.

Oh, and yes the old man survived. My pops even saw fit to get smart with the doctor. Guess the apple and tree thing fits somewhere in there. A tension filled night came to climax in the morning and knock on wood, he’s getting along. Another day in the life…

I wish I was going to start a blog about the Rockies and baseball in general. There seems to be plenty going on and I’d be lying if I said I knew much about any of it. Steroids, trades, dreams of the post season seem to reach my ear or eye but don’t resonate much further at this moment in life. So, unfortunately I won’t be writing about baseball, but I did promise to write about myself when I started this thing and baseball related or not, it’s something I’ll keep to.

My blogging dropped off for the last two weeks or so for a number of reasons and I wish I could tell you it is going to pick up with some regularity, but I can’t say that and so this post is both an explanation and an expectation of sorts to maybe save some people time in looking for me.

Recently, my family was given some devastating news that has changed my outlook on a number of things. One day I get a text from my father saying there has been some bad news and maybe I should stop in to lend support. My mother was in tears and before long I heard that my aunt had been diagnosed with cancer. They had no further information that day and driving away I hoped for a localized cancer that could be removed and treated and my 61-year-old aunt would have another 20 years to live.

One of the worst things in life for me is a mother crying. Watching mine walk in from the hospital and hearing the diagnosis days later that her sister had less than a year to live stopped me in my tracks. Suddenly things like baseball didn’t seem so important. Tracking down a score or hoping the home team wouldn’t trade away a player faded. A favorite movie of mine came to mind and the lead actor says why are you crying for Mickey Mantle? Mickey Mantle don’t care about you. There’s a truth behind that and my own worries of baseball or bills or a job seemed minor and insignificant.

Here I was faced with the idea of talking with someone who had just been given a death sentence and trying to act normal. What was normal?

I’ve known a great amount of tragedy in my life and throughout I’ve been mostly able to remain solid and strong for those around me in need. Often times I didn’t ask who was going to help me because I was too busy helping them. It wasn’t weird for me to make the funeral plans for my brother-in-law who had killed himself and my sister sat in a hypnotic state in the hospital bed. It had to be done and this guy needed answers, so I answered. So what if I was 19? It had to be done. My first action that night was to immediately go to the store and buy the biggest teddy bear I could find for my orphaned 6-year-old niece and 4-year-old nephew.

I didn’t think twice to come to my brother’s aid and drive him to a friend after he had been shattered after hydroplaning and killing a teenager in the other car. I didn’t waiver for a second in the words I spoke and with the greatest conviction I could muster, explained that terrible things happen for no reason.

But, here I was trying to figure out how to console my mother and her sister and give them some semblance of hope without being fake or unreal. I don’t fully support western medicine and I have seen miracles happen with my own eyes, so there was a part of me that wanted to find the most mundane statistic or hope. I wanted to lighten the mood and be the smart-***** I can be so good at. I wanted to fill the room with laughter and hope. I meant what I said in stating that attitude is everything. I found a survival rate for this particular cancer at 2% for five years. I jokingly said, you should make it 3% just to p iss the doctor off. My aunt laughed and said she planned on it.

Now, I’m not writing this post to say poor me or my life has ended too, because it hasn’t. On the other hand I want to do even more now than in the past. Tim McGraw’s song  “Live like you were dying,” has always been a favorite of mine. I have been Rocky Mountain climbing standing on the peaks of formidable 14,000′ beasts. I plan to go sky diving and seek out a bull named foo-man choo. I watched eagles soar and so many other great adventures. But I was still stunned in realizing there probably won’t be another August to remember with my aunt.

When I was a freshman in college it was a hard place at first. Meeting all new people and leaving my best friends behind was tough. I was alone. I’ll never forget taking my laundry into the room and putting it into the washer and sitting down to the old wooden table that sat just as lonely under the fluorescent lights. Just then I looked down and saw lyrics from a favorite but obscure song I loved. I wondered who wrote them and how they must love the song like I did. I ran my fingers over the carved out lyrics and didn’t feel so alone. Somebody else knew them and sat in this exact chair and wrote them. Somebody out there was like me.

I’m posting this because as much I would like to stay private and not say anything, I wonder if there is someone going through something so similar as me. Maybe they felt alone like I did in that laundry room years ago. Maybe they just happen to stumble across this blog and feel there is someone just like them.

I’d like to say I’ll be into baseball soon and my writing will be all things Rockies, but that could very well end up being a lie and I don’t want to lie. If I find my interest growing, this will be my first stop.

I thought a lot about writing and soon as things aren’t so emotionally rich I’m going to ask my aunt if I can interview and write her story. Sit down every week and learn something new and pass it on through my writing. Maybe that will satisfy some urge in me to make a difference in this situation.  Everybody has a story and I can get this one before it’s lost. The last chapter is writing itself but that doesn’t mean the ending is set in stone.

So sorry if you don’t get the Rocky Mountain fill like you were used to, but I want to make sure my priorities are in the right direction before that choice is no longer mine.  I do love dropping by blogs and reading a good story or two when I have the chance so don’t count on me being forever gone. I do notice the great adventures from amazing bloggers in San Diego and or intellectuals with awesome mustaches in Chicago or friends who have seen the better side of cancer in Boston. You all are always with me and whenever I catch a score and it’s your team I think of the Cliff’s and Jen’s and Jeremy’s or Kaity’s and Kylie’s and Emily’s and so many more.

In the mean time don’t do anything I wouldn’t do. Stop laughing : ) I can hear you…